Shame-full Self-Promotion

Posted on June 12, 2008

Well, my dear, long-suffering (but thank goodness she continues to live and continues to suffer for me) web publicist, Valerie, has gone and made me a Facebook fan page. Thus, I’ve been encouraged to enter that strange hinterland called Self-Promotion.

All first-time writers must get to know this territory well. But I have to confess, it feels a little dirty. I’m not sure why. Momma has told me (ad nauseum) that I need not be ashamed to feel pride in my own book. It’s perfectly natural. But every time she says it, I can’t help but flash to that old sex-ed filmstrip, where the nurse in the starched antler hat says “It’s perfectly natural to explore your own body.” (Can’t wait to read the spam I’ll get for typing that.)

More of the PK guilt, I suppose. Self-esteem = Evil. That’s why your average choir robe is so flattering.

So, here I go, blindly into the salesgirl wilderness. I’ve tried to collect tips from my husband, who is just about the handsomest litigator ever to walk the earth. He began his craft long ago, in high school, selling vaccuum cleaners door to door. To display the powerful suction, he would stick the nozzle to the ceiling of the home and then hang from it. Quite the gimmick. I haven’t come up with something similiar that is quite Trespassers-esque, but I’m working on it. So for now, if you hear your doorbell ring, and someone on the other side says this–

“Hi. I have a book for you. I swear to Jesus it is not the Bible, the Book of Mormon, or anything that even promises in any way, shape or form to improve your life. It will not improve your life. It most certainly will not solve your problems and does not meet any definition of “the answer.” Now will you let me in?”

Be nice. It’s me.